


Like A Moth to a Flame

by Clari_Kris



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confession, Exhaustion, Friends to Lovers, Hinata please help this boi, Idiots in Love, Insecurities, KageHina - Freeform, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Karasuno, M/M, Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, or really its mainly kageyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clari_Kris/pseuds/Clari_Kris
Summary: "He wanted to crush those flaming feelings of his, to extinguish them forever, but it was hopeless.Hewas hopeless. Hinata was just too bright, too dazzling for his eyes. He drew Kageyama in like a moth to a flame, and it was impossible for Kageyama to tear himself away at this point. If he couldn’t keep himself away from Hinata, then he had decided to keep Hinata away from him, instead.But had Hinata listened to him? Of course not."In a world where Kageyama's insecurities lead to him avoiding Hinata, it's a good thing Hinata's there to remind him he's always got his back.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 8
Kudos: 161





	Like A Moth to a Flame

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I started writing this story way back in March when quarantine started and after three months, I finally finished it! I originally expected this fic to be roughly 5k, so I was pretty surprised when I checked the word count to find it at 11k lol. I hope you enjoy this story!

It’s difficult confessing your love when you’re a 5’10” male who’s not exactly known for being sweet and being able to easily tell people your true feelings.

It’s especially difficult when said person is in love with the most oblivious person in the world.

Kageyama Tobio collapsed onto his bed after a long day of school and sighed in relief. He could instantly feel the muscles in his legs and arms relax onto the bed, sore after the relentless number of practice matches Karasuno had had during the day. His eyelids felt heavy and he wanted to sleep, yet whenever he closed his eyes, all he saw were images from the matches he had played. Most of all, Hinata’s dazzling form replayed over and over again in his mind. His bright orange hair, the way he sped around the court, and the expression he always had before he spiked the volleyball were constant images that stayed in his mind hours after the match was over.

It had taken Kageyama three months to realize he was in love with his best friend and a month to fully accept it. Looking back on it, he had to wonder why it had taken him so long to realize his feelings. His eyes seemed to always follow Hinata around whenever they were in the same area, and there had been instances where Kageyama had wished Hinata would look at him more before trashing those thoughts of his and instead deciding to appreciate their friendship instead, something he had rarely had with others before Hinata came along. 

Before high school, Kageyama had never had many friendships before. Sure, volleyball took up almost all of his time, but it wasn’t like he was actively avoiding people at school. Most people looked his way before being frightened and running away. As for those who were kind enough to talk to him, they would usually abandon him within a week after finding out that he wasn’t very interesting to talk to. The situation became worse after his teammates had abandoned him on the court. It wasn’t until Hinata had appeared that he had finally found himself a friendship and a team who appreciated him for who he was and whom he appreciated in return. 

He wasn’t about to let his feelings for Hinata destroy the precious friendships he had made over the past school year.

A ring from his phone shocked him awake from his tired state and he slowly leaned over to grab his phone from the nearby desk where it was charging.

It was a text from Hinata.

“Hey, Kageyama,” the text read. “Wanna hang out next weekend? I need new volleyball shoes since mine broke earlier today when I was heading home.”

He couldn’t help the tiny smile that lit up his face and, feeling embarrassed at how just a small text from someone he liked could easily make him happy, couldn’t help himself as well from typing out a message that he didn’t mean.

“What? Why do I have to go with you?”

Kageyama sighed. _‘Why am I like this?’_ Why couldn’t he just tell Hinata the truth⸺that he was happy to hang out with him⸺and just agree like a normal person? 

Their relationship was always like this. Hinata, actively inviting him out to places, and Kageyama repeatedly insulting him. Hinata didn’t seem to mind their banter, but a part of Kageyama couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Hinata didn’t want to say anything and just put up with him out of kindness.

He waited anxiously for a reply.

“Yamaguchi’s busy and Stingyshima said it’s a waste of time :(“

A part of him deflated when he realized that Hinata’s text meant that he wasn’t the first person Hinata had thought of when he wanted a friend to go out with. Yamaguchi, he could understand, because the freckled boy was extremely kind, but for Hinata to have invited Tsukishima before him? Was he really a worse person to hang out with than _Tsukishima_ of all people?

Another text came before he could begin to type.

“Plus, I know you need new knee pads anyways. We can shop together! It’ll be fun, I promise!”

Kageyama sighed and quickly sent Hinata a message agreeing to go before setting his phone back down on his desk.

Hinata confused him. Hinata _always_ confused him. Texts like this where he alone was actively being invited by Hinata made him feel warm inside. During moments where Hinata would look over and smile at him alone, Kageyama couldn’t help but feel special. 

But did Hinata feel the same way towards him? He couldn’t tell if there was a difference between the way Hinata smiled at him compared to all of their teammates. Hinata’s smiles all looked the same to Kageyama⸺bright, sparkling, and impossible to take your eyes off of once you caught sight of them.

Kageyama sighed and turned over in his bed. His eyelids were becoming increasingly heavy, and he soon allowed himself to fall asleep, Hinata still fresh in his mind.

* * *

The weekend finally arrived and, in his state of excitement and nervousness, Kageyama had arrived thirty minutes earlier than the agreed meeting time. 

He had woken up early, too excited about the day, and had spent a great amount of time in front of his mirror organizing an outfit. He ended up eating his cereal quickly and had rushed out the door to the nearest bus stop, where he and Hinata had agreed to meet up at.

In his rush, Kageyama had forgotten to check the time and had made it to the stop, 40 minutes before the bus arrived.

_‘Great. What am I supposed to do until he gets here?’_

He couldn’t text Hinata, of course. There was _no way_ he was going to let Hinata know that he had shown up too early and was now waiting miserably at the stop with nothing to do. He sighed and ruffled his hair, pulling out his phone to distract him from the long wait he had ahead of him.

Or the long wait he thought he had ahead of him, anyways.

“Kageyama!” A shorter boy ran straight towards him, stopping right in front of him to catch his breath. Hinata was wearing a puffy black jacket that looked way too big on him and made it seem as though he was suffocating. “Sorry, did you wait long?”

“No, not really,” Kageyama replied, looking back at his phone for the time before making a face and forcing the phone in front of Hinata. “Why are you here twenty minutes early? We agreed on 11, dumbass!”

“Then why are you here, Kageyama? You got here earlier than me!”

“That’s because I-!” Kageyama stopped himself as he recounted the disaster that was this morning. _‘Like I’m gonna tell him the truth.’_

“Man,” Hinata continued, completely unaware of the taller boy’s feelings. “I wanted to be here faster than you, you know? Why’d you have to come so much earlier than me?”

Kageyama smirked. “That means I win, then.”

“Not fair!” Hinata exclaimed, jumping up and down. “It wasn’t an official race!”

Kageyama groaned internally as he watched the energetic boy. How did Hinata have so much energy in the morning? He could barely get out of bed on usual school days without morning practice.

Sighing, he looked towards the sign on the bus stop. “Well, what are we going to do now? The bus doesn’t come for another twenty minutes.”

Hinata smirked, eyes twinkling. “I could go for a meat bun right now, since I ran out before eating breakfast. Last one to Sakanoshita’s owes the winner a pork bun!”

Without warning, he took off running, with Kageyama soon following in pursuit.

* * *

“Kageyama, which pair of shoes look better?” asked Hinata, crouching down to inspect two pairs that he was interested in.

They were currently at their local athletic shop, after Kageyama had begrudgingly bought Hinata his pork buns, which Hinata ate happily with glee. Kageyama could only watch on⸺no, he would not admit that Hinata had looked cute chewing⸺withholding a smile, until the two realized that they were about to miss the bus. Hinata had shoved the remainder of the bun into his mouth and had yelled out a “Race you!” before speeding away for the second time that day, Ukai yelling at them to be careful this time.

Kageyama squinted, looking between the two pairs. “I don’t know. They look exactly the same to me.”

“They are not!” Hinata held up one shoe from each pair and held them up for Kageyama to have a better view. “One is red and the other is a brighter shade of red!”

Kageyama tried to see the difference. He really did, but no matter how many times he looked back and forth between the two individual shoes, they still looked exactly the same shade of red to him. “They’re _both_ red, dumbass!”

Hinata huffed. “No, they aren’t!” Flipping both shoes over on their sides, Hinata found the tags hanging on the fabric. “This one says it’s crimson-colored and _this_ one says it’s candy-colored!”

“They’re the same exact color.”

“No, they aren’t! Look, the names of their colors are completely diff-Hey!”

Rolling his eyes, Kageyama plucked both shoes from Hinata’s hands and put them behind his back, switching the shoes from one hand onto the other. He put his right hand out and, making sure to cover the tag on the shoe he was holding in front of Hinata’s face, asked, “Ok, what color is this, then?”

Hinata bit the inside of his cheek, eyeing the red on the shoe. He was concentrating harder than Kageyama had ever seen him outside of volleyball. The younger boy honestly looked kind of adorable, and a part of Kageyama wanted to reach out, touch Hinata’s fluffy hair, and run his fingers through it. He felt his other hand move towards the other boy before he quickly clenched it into a fist and held himself back. _‘Fucking control yourself.’_

Hinata took a step back. “Candy, I think.”

“Are you sure?” 

“No, wait,” Hinata paused, eyeing the shoe once more. “Crimson. No, no, wait, candy.”

“What’s your final answer?”

“Candy. Final answer.”

Hinata stared at the shoe with intensity as Kageyama turned it around in his hand and looked at the tag. Part of Kageyama prayed Hinata was wrong just so he could see his adorable pouting face from up close.

_‘Although,’_ he thought, _‘I guess his smiling face is cute, too.’_

Finally finding the color on the shoe, he smirked triumphantly. “Ha, it says crimson. I told you you couldn’t tell the difference between the two shoes.”

“What?” Hinata exclaimed. “You’re lying! Let me see that shoe!”

Kageyama could feel his cheeks flush as Hinata momentarily reached for his hand, brushing against it in the process, and grabbed the shoe. Although it was only for a moment, he could still feel Hinata’s warmth linger in his palm and he looked away, clenching his fist. He hoped the other boy hadn’t seen him blush.

“Arrgh,” Hinata grumbled, looking at the tag. “It does say crimson.” He pouted, as Kageyama had expected him to, his lips looking puffy and soft.

Kageyama felt himself staring at the spiker’s lips. _‘What would his lips feel like on mine?’_ Face burning, he had to once again look away, the sight too much for his desires to handle. 

“Maybe I’ll take this one, then,” Hinata continued, seemingly unaware of the setter. He grinned, staring at the crimson shoe. 

It was then that Kageyama remembered that he had been holding the other shoe. He brought it out from behind his back. “You don’t want this one anymore?”

“Nah.” Hinata held the shoe up next to Kageyama’s face and grinned. “It kinda matches your face right now!” 

So he _had_ noticed.

Before Kageyama could reply, Hinata reached up and placed the back of his hand on Kageyama’s forehead while placing his other hand on his own. “It doesn’t _feel_ like you have a fever. Are you okay?”

Kageyama felt his face increase in temperature at the sudden skin contact and quickly pushed Hinata’s hand off of his face. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’d never get sick at a time when our official tournament is only months away.”

“Still, you should sit and cool down for a sec while I go buy this shoe.” Hinata then sped away to ask an employee for his shoe size, leaving Kageyama alone to quickly inspect his face in front of a nearby mirror, later concluding that Hinata had indeed been correct about the color of his face.

Damn. He really needed to be careful when he was alone with Hinata nowadays. Dumb or not, there had to be a limit to Hinata’s denseness.

In an effort to calm down, Kageyama stood up and walked around the store, stopping at the aisle that included knee pads. He crouched down to be eye level with the pads and became immersed in them, trying to find his usual brand. Upon finding the right ones, he took them off the racks. As he stood back up, he thought he heard his name called over the intercom. He paused and looked around.

“Kageyama Tobio,” he heard. “Your child is at the customer service area. Once again, Kageyama Tobio. Your child is at the customer service area. Thank you.” There was the click of a phone being set down followed by silence.

His efforts for calming down had become useless as he felt his face immediately flare up again. _‘This must be Hinata’s doing.’_ Looking left and right, he walked through the store to find the customer service booth. It felt like everyone was staring at him as he walked, although he knew that none of them knew that he was the one who had been called over the speakers. Still, the more stares he received, the faster he found himself walking.

He saw Hinata’s bright orange hair before he saw the customer service sign. The spiker was pouting and standing with his arms crossed next to the same worker he had gone towards previously. Upon meeting Kageyama’s eyes, Hinata’s pout quickly changed into a glare as he walked towards him.

“Where did you go? I walked back to the shoes section to find you gone!” Hinata huffed, clearly annoyed with Kageyama.

“I went to get knee pads, dumbass! Did you really have to get the announcer to help you look for me?”

“I couldn’t find you, okay? I thought they would just help me look for you, not broadcast your name across the entire store!” Upon mentioning the announcer, Hinata turned back to walk towards her as she was currently watching the two with an amused smile on her face.

“Thank you for your help!” Hinata bowed and looked over towards Kageyama who bowed as well.

“It was no problem.” The announcer smiled and looked towards Kageyama. “I’m glad you found your son.”

For once, Kageyama wasn’t the only one blushing.

“He’s not my son!” he denied, shaking his hands, as Hinata exclaimed, “We’re the same age!”

The woman’s eyes grew wide as she bowed over and over. “I’m so sorry!”

Kageyama decided to let Hinata handle the situation, knowing Hinata was the one more suited to these situations than he was, and tried to use the opportunity to calm down. He watched as Hinata smiled awkwardly at the woman, telling her it was fine. The woman still looked mortified despite Hinata’s consolations and continued to apologize as she helped scan Kageyama’s knee pads. 

Once Kageyama had finished paying, he and Hinata simultaneously sped walked out of the store, not wanting to put the woman in an awkward situation for a second longer.

Once they were outside and a distance away from the store, they both stopped to catch their breaths. Kageyama thought he saw Hinata shaking beside him and, in fear Hinata was ill, turned towards him.

Hinata let out a loud, hearty laugh instead. “She-She thought you were a dad! You must’ve looked really old to her!”

“Sh-Shut up!” Kageyama glared at Hinata, who was clutching his stomach from laughing too hard. “This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so short! She probably thought you were five or something!”

Hinata continued on, unaffected by what Kageyama had said. “O-Old Kageyama. Kageyama with a beard.”  
  
“Hey!” Kageyama reached out to grab the front of Hinata’s shirt when Hinata, too used to Kageyama’s antics, quickly stepped out of reach.

Hinata continued clutching his stomach. “M-My stomach hurts too much from laughing.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “Is there a toilet nearby?”

Kageyama rolled his eyes and looked around, spotting a McDonald’s down the street. “Pretty sure McDonald’s has a bathroom. Let’s go. You’re treating me to fries and a burger.”

“What? Why?”

Kageyama smirked, remembering how he had been forced to pay for Hinata’s meat bun earlier that day. “Race you!”

“Hey!”

The two spent the rest of the day in each other’s company and Kageyama was glad that he hadn’t refused Hinata’s request to shop with him.

* * *

The Karasuno gym was filled with the sounds of squeaking shoes and the bounce of volleyballs. In an effort to watch their improvement, Ukai had split the team into teams of six for a practice match against each other. 

“Bring it!” Hinata zoomed from one side of the court to the other and jumped in time with Kageyama’s set. His face was filled with excitement and satisfaction as he watched the ball travel from his hand straight down onto the other side of the court, Nishinoya diving for it unsuccessfully.

The whistle sounded, signaling the end of the match. Tanaka immediately began a shouting match with Nishinoya, both frustrated at their losses. Their captain immediately quieted them down, glaring at them, and everyone in the team looked towards Ukai, awaiting his next instructions.

Ukai moved his hair out of his eyes and looked towards his exhausted students. “Alright, you guys are making pretty good progress, but your receives still need tons of work. Remember! If you can’t receive the ball and bring it to the setter, then there’s no way you’ll be able to spike it to our opponents!”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good job on the practice match today,” Ukai continued. “Practice is over. Go home, rest, and come back tomorrow prepared to strengthen your receives!”

The team yelled out another “Yes, sir!” before separating from one another.

Kageyama walked over towards the window of the gym where his water bottle laid. He picked it up and quickly chugged the rest of the water before heading outside the gym to fill it back up. He could see the shadows of Nishinoya and Tanaka up ahead, carrying Hinata and running around. The sounds of Hinata’s laughter reached his ears and, looking around to make sure no one could see, he let out a small smile at the sound.

_‘He was in perfect form when spiking today, too.’_

He could still see the image of Hinata midair before spiking, the intensity in his eyes. Kageyama loved the feeling he felt whenever he tossed the ball to Hinata. It felt different compared to when he tossed to Asahi, Tanaka, or any of his other teammates. Hinata radiated happiness on the court, and Kageyama always felt special knowing that his sets played a part in that, that they were special to Hinata.

But he also felt sad at times knowing that they were probably the only things Hinata liked about him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like how Hinata liked his sets. He loved it. It was just, sometimes, he wondered what it would be like if Hinata liked him for him and not for only volleyball related things.

But he knew he was scary and stupid and a coward who would never confess to his closest friend. Just the fact that they were friends was enough for Kageyama, even if there were times when he craved Hinata’s touch. Hinata was a good friend⸺Kageyama’s _closest_ friend⸺and Kageyama wouldn’t give their friendship up for the world. 

He reached the water fountain outside the gym and filled up his water bottle. To clear his jumbled thoughts, he cupped his hands beneath the water and splashed his face. Walking back towards the changing room, he was surprised to see that the lights were still on. With the amount of time it had taken him to walk over to the fountain and fill up his bottle, he was sure everyone had already finished changing and had already left the school.

“Oh, Kageyama!” He heard a loud voice as he stepped into the room. “Took you long enough!” 

Kageyama jumped back and turned his head to see Hinata in the corner of the room next to the cabinet he had just passed by. “Don’t just stand in the corner of the room like some creepy doll! Why are you still here, anyways?”

Hinata grinned. “I realized you weren’t with us when we were all changing and thought you might be lonely when you came back with everyone gone, so I asked Daichi-san to give me the keys to the room!” He held up the very keys, twirling the keyring around his index finger. “He made me promise I wouldn’t lose it like a million times, though.”

“That’s because you’re a kid who’s known for losing things,” replied Kageyama. He had turned back around to grab his clothes and bag from the cabinet.

“I’m older than you,” grumbled Hinata. “If anyone’s a kid, it’s you, since you’re the youngest on the team!”

Unzipping his bag, Kageyama began putting his clothes and waterbottle inside, ignoring the shorter boy.

“Hmm?” Hinata tilted his head. “You aren’t gonna change?”

_‘Obviously I’m not gonna change in a room alone with_ you _,’_ thought Kageyama. Even he recognized how dangerous that situation was. “There’s no point in changing when I’m just gonna go home right after this, anyways.”

“That’s true!” Hinata replied, smiling. “Are you done yet? I want to go to Sakanoshita’s and grab a meat bun before they close!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kageyama zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “At this point, Coach probably gets worried if you _don’t_ show up at his place.”

“Hey!” Hinata shouted, opening the door up for Kageyama. “I get hungry after practice, okay? I need to get back the energy I lost!”

“And yet,” Kageyama continued, walking out of the room smirking, “you never get any taller, do you?”

Hinata glared at Kageyama, running up to him. “I grew half an inch since the start of the school year!” He positioned himself so that he was chest to chest with Kageyama. “See? I used to be near your nose, but now I’m near your eyes!” 

Kageyama gulped. _‘Crap, he’s too close.’_ At this point, Kageyama didn’t even have to reach out to touch the shorter boy. He could just move his fingers and they would brush against the fabric of Hinata’s jacket. 

_‘One touch,’_ he thought, as he felt his fingers twitch. _‘It’d just be one touch.’_

What could be the harm in that?

“Kageyama?” Hinata was staring at him, head tilted. “What’s wrong?”

He felt his arm reach out towards Hinata⸺to grab his arm, or hand, or whatever he wanted to do⸺and watched as Hinata, with his quick reflexes, step away from him, face filled with fright and concern. His arm quickly fell back down.

It had only been for a second, but Kageyama was sure he hadn’t mistaken the look of alarm on Hinata’s face. It was a look he never wanted Hinata to ever make, especially if it was his fault. Hinata was supposed to be the happy one out of the two of them, the one who was always smiling in their friendship.

And Kageyama had almost ruined that happiness for his own desires.

Hinata was still looking at him with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry,” said Kageyama, eyes refusing to meet Hinata’s. “Listen, I, uh, forgot that my sister was going shopping today and she probably wants me to come home quick to help with dinner.”

Hinata blinked. “Oh,” he said, looking downwards. “So, you can’t get meat buns with me?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Kageyama replied, mentally hating himself for lying to Hinata. He really did want to hang out with Hinata longer, but he didn’t want to risk anything happening. The closer they were together, the more in danger Hinata was from him. He didn’t ever want Hinata to look at him with such a scared look on his face ever again.

“No, that’s okay! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Hinata smiled, waving. “Bye!”

Kageyama took one last look at Hinata’s smile before he turned around. “Yeah, bye!” 

* * *

“Don’t come within six feet of me when you don’t need to.”

The demand was met with silence. Kageyama felt himself inhale and held his breath as he looked at the shorter boy and waited for a response. He had spent the entirety of the previous night tossing and turning in bed, Hinata’s frightened face haunting his mind. He had never wanted Hinata to look at him like that, like he was a monster who was after the smaller boy. Being in such a close proximity with him, he had just wanted to touch the boy if only for a moment. 

But Kageyama’s desire to touch him had scared Hinata, and the last thing Kageyama wanted was for Hinata to push him away, for their friendship to be ruined, for Hinata to abandon him like everyone had in middle school.

And so, Kageyama had come to a decision last night to shut those feelings away, and to instead distance himself away from Hinata before he destroyed the precious relationship between them.

He watched as Hinata furrowed his brows and blinked up at him in confusion. “Wait, what? Why?”

“Exams are coming up,” said Kageyama, reciting the lie he had prepared beforehand, “and if I hang out with you more, I’ll only get dumber.” 

“What? You got a lower score than me for English last time!”

“And you got a lower score than me for every other exam.”

“Whatever,” Hinata replied, frowning towards the ground. He looked back up and made eye contact with Kageyama. Eyes wide and filled with concern. “You never care about exams to this extent, anyways. What’s wrong?”

Curse Hinata for knowing him so well. Kageyama looked away. He knew he would feel guilty if he lied while looking straight into Hinata’s puppy dog eyes. “What are you talking about? If we don’t pass our exams, we won’t be able to play in the official volleyball tournaments. _You_ might not care about your grades, but I do.”

“Why don’t you look me in the eyes and tell me the truth?”

Kageyama clenched his teeth. Why couldn’t Hinata just let it go? Why couldn’t he just say ‘ok!’ and walk away? “That _is_ the truth, ok?”

“I’ve known you for almost a year now, Kageyama. It’s obvious when you lie to me.”

_‘Then why can’t you tell that I’m in love with you? Why can’t you see that I’m doing this for you?’_

“I’m not lying,” said Kageyama, picking up his bag. “Look, the bell’s about to ring and I have to go to class, okay? Exams are in a month and I _need_ to pass if I want to play in the tournament.”

“Kageyama! Don’t you dare walk away from this conversation!”

But he did. Despite the fact that his legs were tired and his heart was screaming at him to give up and just tell Hinata the truth, he got up and walked away from the other boy, never turning around to look back for fear that once he saw the expression on Hinata’s face⸺whatever it was⸺his heart would explode and he’d turn back around.

* * *

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Kageyama walked into the gym after school without someone by his side. Not wanting to run into Hinata, he had packed quickly before class had ended and had sped walked out of his classroom and into the courtyard. What had become an everyday routine of waiting outside the classroom for Hinata had been easily broken and _no, he would not regret it._

“Kageyama?” Daichi looked over towards him, although his gaze was more slightly towards the right of him, searching for a missing person that Kageyama knew wasn’t there. “Hinata isn’t with you today?”

“Um, no. He had to make up some classwork after school,” he lied. 

Daichi stared at him for a bit longer, as though he was expecting Kageyama to say more. “Alright,” he said, after a long pause. “Well, can you help me set up the volleyball net, then? Suga usually helps me but he isn’t here yet.”

“Sure,” said Kageyama, grateful Daichi hadn’t asked for more details. He would know the truth later, when Hinata arrived anyways, but for now, Kageyama was thankful for the peace and consideration his captain was giving him. Kageyama did _not_ want to deal with Hinata when he arrived at the gym.

He walked over towards the court and bent down to grab one side of the volleyball net as Daichi grabbed the other. Wrapping the string around the pole, Kageyama swiftly secured the net in place and stepped back, checking to make sure it was the right height.

Daichi smiled. “Perfect. The others should be arriving sometime around now, so let’s just wait awhile for them.”

As if on cue, the doors burst open, revealing the rest of the Karasuno volleyball team, including an unusually silent Hinata. Although he was shorter than almost all of the members, he was the first one Kageyama laid eyes on, and when they made eye contact, a shiver went up his spine. Hinata was angry, _really_ angry. He watched as the shorter boy separated from the rest of the team and marched up to him, glaring all the meanwhile.

“So you were serious about this morning?” Hinata asked, maintaining eye contact with Kageyama.

“Obviously,” he replied. “There’s no point in lying to you.”

“You’re lying right now.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are”

“No, I’m not.”

“ _Yes, you are!_ ” Hinata shouted. His voice echoed throughout the gym, the sound surrounding Kageyama as he gritted his teeth and looked away.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Sugawara walked towards them, a cautious look on his face. His other teammates were standing opposite of him and Hinata, watching them. It was only then that Kageyama realized just how loud they had been.

“Hey,” Sugawara said, eyeing the two of them. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Kageyama replied, as Hinata exclaimed, “It’s Kageyama’s fault!”

Kageyama fixed a glare on Hinata, mentally urging him to keep his mouth shut. He did not want the entire team to join Hinata in hounding him. Dealing with Hinata was already proving to be a huge hassle.

Unfortunately for him, his prayers went ignored.

“Kageyama told me to stay away from him for no reason at all!” Hinata exclaimed, pointing at him. “He said it’s because I’m dumb, but that makes no sense and I know he’s lying and-!”

“Woah, woah,” said Sugawara. He held out his arm towards Hinata and, seeming to think better of it, quickly settled for putting it behind his own head and scratching his neck. “Hinata, you’re talking all over the place. I won’t be able to understand you if you don’t slow down.”

“But-!”

“Take deep breaths and calm down,” Sugawara instructed. Kageyama watched as Hinata took a deep breath, his tense shoulders rising and falling gently. “Alright, now what’s going on?”

“Kageyama said I shouldn’t go near him,” Hinata said, pointedly staring towards the taller first year.

“Kageyama?” Sugawara’s brows furrowed as he turned to look towards his fellow setter. 

Kageyama sighed. “It’s just for a little while, okay? I don’t see what the fuss is about.”

“The fuss is that obviously you’re lying about not hanging out with me!” Hinata exclaimed, stomping on the ground. The deep breathing Sugawara had helped him with was not helping him anymore.

Sugawara helplessly looked over at Daichi, urging him to come over to help him with their troublesome first years when Ukai walked into the gym. 

”Alright, you guys,” he shouted, unaware of the intense atmosphere of the gym. “I’m working you guys hard on receives today. Gather round me so I can place you guys into teams!”

Everyone began to walk towards Ukai, eyes lingering on Kageyama and Hinata who were still glaring at each other. 

“This isn’t over,” said Hinata as he stared up at Kageyama. 

“It is,” calmly replied Kageyama.

Hinata clenched his teeth. “I’m going to find out what’s wrong with you.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kageyama began walking towards the coach. “Just leave me be already.”

Hinata grumbled and began to walk as well, following Kageyama. 

Although their training that day had kept Hinata busy, Kageyama was certain that he hadn’t heard the last of it from Hinata. 

* * *

Kageyama soon found out that he had been right. Hinata would _not_ leave him alone without a proper answer. He had spent the past few days avoiding the orange-haired boy only to be found within seconds. He supposed it was his own fault. They had hung out so often that Hinata practically knew him like the back of his own hand. He knew where Kageyama would go and even knew all of Kageyama’s hiding places. Everywhere Kageyama went, Hinata followed, and every time Hinata followed him, the flames in his heart that he had tried so hard to extinguish flared up again.

Why couldn’t Hinata just leave him alone? It was like he had forgotten how Kageyama had tried to grab him that night, how he had looked so frightened that the sight of it had brought Kageyama back to his senses.

Kageyama hadn’t forgotten that day, the feelings that had swelled up in him out of nowhere, Hinata’s expression, everything. He still remembered it all. His usual thoughts of Hinata had switched over to replays of that moment, leading to horrible flashbacks of his middle school team, and Kageyama had spent countless sleepless nights thinking far too much about it and mentally punching himself for giving into his temptations like that. 

He wanted to crush those flaming feelings of his, to extinguish them forever, but it was hopeless. _He_ was hopeless. Hinata was just too bright, too dazzling for his eyes. He drew Kageyama in like a moth to a flame, and it was impossible for Kageyama to tear himself away at this point. If he couldn’t keep himself away from Hinata, then he had decided to keep Hinata away from him, instead. 

But had Hinata listened to him? Of course not.

The boy had made a ruckus once Kageyama had demanded he stay away from him, glaring and arguing to the point where Ukai had had to split them apart on the court, claiming that their teamwork was not going to work if they, themselves, weren’t getting along. In comparison, their teammates were at a complete loss as to what to do as they could sense that this wasn’t like the duo’s usual fights. That didn’t mean they didn’t try to help, of course. Nishinoya and Tanaka had made it their mission to joke around with Hinata and help lighten up the atmosphere more, a move Kageyama appreciated. Even Tsukishima who ordinarily showed that he didn’t care about the team had started watching Kageyama more. His analytical glances followed the setter around when he thought Kageyama wasn’t paying attention ( ~~Plot twist: he noticed~~ ).

Try as they might, however, none of them could stop Hinata from chasing after Kageyama.

Kageyama sighed, checking around him for Hinata, before walking over across the yard to the vending machine to buy his usual carton of milk. He quickly inserted his coins and grabbed the blue carton, ripping the straw from the box and poking it through the hole. 

He barely had time to enjoy his first sip before he heard a familiar shout of his name. Clenching the milk carton in his hand, he took off running for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

He was tired. _So_ tired.

Why couldn’t Hinata just leave him alone?

* * *

“Kageyama, could we talk for a minute?”

They were currently in the changing room. Practice had been over for at least twenty minutes, and Kageyama had spent the past fifteen minutes outside making sure his path didn’t cross Hinata’s before finally walking into the room to grab his things. He had just finished changing and was currently putting his sweaty clothes in his bag.

He turned around and was face-to-face with one of his volleyball upperclassmen. “Practice ended a while ago, Suga-san. Why are you still here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” replied Sugawara. “Sorry, did you have plans after this?”

His mind unconsciously wandered back to his and Hinata’s routine of getting meat buns after every practice and he cleared those thoughts away. That routine wasn’t going to happen anymore. “No, I don’t. What’s up?”

Sugawara chuckled. “I think that’s what I should be asking. You and Hinata have been pretty tense these past few days. I just wanted to check in with you. Is something wrong?”

Kageyama looked away. “No, everything’s fine.”

“You know, you have a habit of avoiding people’s eyes when you aren’t telling them the truth. I think that’s why Hinata keeps coming after you.”

If that was Sugawara’s way of making Kageyama look him in the eyes, it worked. His eyes glanced back towards Sugawara’s, and he couldn’t help catching a glimpse of his reflection on the mirror behind the older boy. The dark circles under his eyes were much more apparent than they had been in the morning.

Kageyama sighed. For Sugawara to personally wait for Kageyama this long after practice, he figured the upperclassman must’ve been extremely concerned about him. He knew his teammates could feel the tension between him and Hinata, and he didn’t want to be a burden to them, to the one team where he had finally found a place in. Talking to Sugawara wasn’t going to fix his problems, but if talking to him helped his fellow setter relax, then he figured he might as well talk. He just wouldn’t mention anything important. 

Figuring this conversation was going to take awhile, he set his bag down on the rack. “I don’t even know,” he replied.

Sugawara furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know what I should do anymore.”

The older setter smiled. “Tell me everything.”

He took a breath. “Have you ever given up on someone before?”

Sugawara blinked, taking a second to gather his thoughts before responding. “No, I don’t think I have. Why?” 

Kageyama leaned on the clothes rack. “What would you do if you had to give up on someone?”

Sugawara took a second to gather his thoughts. “I guess I would try to maintain a distance from them to stop myself from liking them more.”

“What if they continuously chase after yo-?” Kageyama stopped himself, clenching his mouth shut. Shit. He had said too much.

Sugawara, however, smiled as though he had been expecting this. “Well, then I think it’s probably a sign from that person that you’re an important person to them. There’s a reason why they’re chasing after you and it’s probably because you’re someone they don’t want to lose.”

Kageyama glanced up towards Sugawara. “You aren’t surprised that I’m talking about Hinata?”

“Well, you guys are pretty close, so it wasn’t a completely random guess. Would it be too much to ask why you’re trying to give up on him?” Shaking his head, he continued, “You don’t have to answer if it’s something you don’t want to talk to me about, of course.”

At this point, he may as well just confess to Sugawara what was going on. Sugawara was a good upperclassman and someone he knew he could confide in. Kageyama took a breath and spoke before he could change his mind. “I’m scared my feelings are too strong for me to handle and that I’ll end up hurting him and ruining all the good things that have happened to me this year. It’s like whenever I see him, I just want to touch him and sometimes I start thinking about kissing him. Is it selfish of me to think that?”

“That’s normal for people,” Sugawara replied. “When you’re in love, you always want to be near that person. It’s not weird at all to want to touch and kiss them.”

That was definitely a reply Kageyama had been expecting. He sighed. Sugawara was only saying that because he wasn’t the one who had seen Hinata flinch, hadn’t experienced seeing the person he liked reject his touch. He was someone who was completely in touch with his surroundings. Unlike Kageyama, he was probably tranquil around the person he liked. He would never hurt them.

Well, he had tried talking to Sugawara. Good advice or not, he was still thankful that someone was looking out for him.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Kageyama replied. “Thank you, Suga-san.”

“No problem! I hope you’re able to solve the situation!” Sugawara grinned and slapped Kageyama hard on the back. “The team needs you and Hinata to be in good condition if we want to win, after all!”

Kageyama bent down to grab his bag when he felt Sugawara’s hand on his back. 

“Hey,” said the older setter, this time in a softer tone, “the reason why Hinata is ambushing you so often is probably just because he’s feeling confused right now. Just talk to him and sort it out. It’ll be ok. Trust me.”

After waving goodbye, Kageyama quickly picked up his bag and left the changing room. In the beginning, he knew it was impossible for his senior to magically help him fix his problem with Hinata, of course. However, talking to Sugawara _had_ helped him more than he had expected it to. It felt refreshing to have someone to talk to after continuously bottling up his feelings day after day. 

He walked out of the school deep in thought, Sugawara’s words repeating in his mind telling him to ‘ _just talk to him’._

_‘How in the world am I supposed to do that when everything I say comes out wrong?’_

He groaned and ruffled his hair, messing it up. He didn’t want to talk to Hinata. He just wanted his stupid feelings to go away forever, for them to leave him alone. Romantically or not, Hinata was special to him. He was the first real friend Kageyama had made and was a huge reason why he was able to feel welcome for the first time in a volleyball team. There was no way he was going to let his feelings ruin their friendship and everything that came with it.

He sighed. He was tired. _So_ tired.

“Oh? Is that Kageyama?”

He froze. Body not moving, his eyes took in his surroundings and he mentally cursed himself. Without thinking, he had walked over to Sakanoshita’s. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, internally praying. _‘Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. Let it be anyone but him. I can’t handle this right now.’_

But Kageyama had heard that voice call his name thousands of times, most of those times causing his heart to skip multiple beats. There was no possible way for him to have misheard it. 

He turned to his left and made eye contact with the last person he had wanted to see that night.

“Why are you still here so late?” Hinata calmly asked, holding a meat bun, although Kageyama could tell from how stiff he was that the spiker was wary of him.

Shit. Should he run? Hide? He knew Hinata’s athletic abilities, had seen them from up close, and sighed, knowing that whatever he tried to do, Hinata would be able to go after him, this current week being a good example.

“What,” Hinata said after Kageyama declined to reply, “I’m not allowed to talk to you either?”

“No, I don’t, I mean, you don’t-” Kageyama stuttered. He paused to inhale deeply and to gather his thoughts.

Hinata interrupted him before he could continue, walking up to him. “Also, don’t think I didn’t notice you taking a fifteen minute walk to the water fountain after practice just to avoid me.”

“I-Sorry,” replied Kageyama, looking everywhere but Hinata. It had been awhile since he had actually had a conversation with the spiker and, although he tried to stop it, he felt himself relishing in the fact that they were actually close to each other after so long. 

“Whatever,” Hinata said. “You’ve made your point clear. I’ll stay away from you off court.”

Kageyama’s gaze snapped towards Hinata’s. “Wait, what?”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to go away.” Hinata’s gaze was cold.

It was then that Sugawara’s words reappeared in the back of his mind, urging him to stop running away and to just talk to Hinata. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. A small voice in his head kept repeatedly reminding him of the last time he had been close with Hinata, telling him that anything he tried now would be stupid and ruin his week’s work of staying away from the spiker. Hinata was a friend. He was also the person he was interested in, sure, but he was his friend first and foremost. Kageyama’s heart already felt heavy with burden from this past week. He wasn’t so sure he would be able to take it if he told Hinata everything and got rejected.

He sighed. “I don’t know,” he said for the second time that day. 

“What do you mean, _‘you don’t know’_ ,” snapped Hinata, calmness leaving his tone. “First, you give me a lame excuse to not be with me, then, when I try to find out what’s going on, you avoid me. Obviously, something’s wrong and you don’t trust me enough to tell me.”

He felt himself staring at the ground again. “No,” he responded, “it’s not like that.”

“Then why won’t you look me in the eyes?” 

Kageyama looked up to see an expression on Hinata’s face that he had never seen before. It was a mixture of hurt and anger and somehow made Kageyama feel worse than the face he had made when Kageyama had tried to touch him.

Hinata continued, giving no time for Kageyama to give him a response. “You’re _always_ like this! You pile up problems on yourself and never talk about it to anyone!”

_‘I talked to Suga-san.’_

“Would it be so difficult to just _talk to me_?”

_‘It’s not something I can talk to you about.’_

“Remember what you said to me? ‘ _As long as I’m here, you’re invincible’_? Well how am I supposed to help you be invincible if you won’t let me in?”

Kageyama clenched his fists. He didn’t want to hear this right now, not when he wasn’t in the right mental state. His mind was battling his heart, one telling him to just tell Hinata the truth and the other yelling at him to walk away. He didn’t want to tell Hinata the truth, didn’t want anything to happen to their relationship, didn’t want to burden anyone. How was he supposed to tell Hinata everything without telling him _everything_?

“I thought we were friends! Partners! Well apparently I was the only one who thought that!”

_Fuck it._

He grabbed Hinata by the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, crashing their lips together. He could feel Hinata tremble, surprised by the sudden contact before weakly fighting back. It was rough. It was messy. 

It wasn’t what Kageyama wanted. 

He let go of the struggling Hinata, dropping him onto the ground. Hinata was looking at him with a look of hurt and confusion and Kageyama wanted to slap himself. It wasn’t a look Kageyama wanted to associate with Hinata and he had to get the heck out of this situation before he made another stupid mistake.

He clenched his teeth. “I-I’m sorry,” he stammered, and quickly turned around and ran away, knowing that this time, Hinata wouldn’t be there to chase after him.

* * *

True to his word, Hinata stayed away from Kageyama for the remainder of the week. 

Kageyama had expected this. _Of course_ he had expected it. Not only had he hurt Hinata’s feelings, he had also forced a kiss onto him without consent. 

He still didn’t know how it had happened. One minute he was listening to Hinata drill into him about the past few days, and the next minute, something in him had snapped and he had grabbed Hinata and kissed him. 

He was supposed to talk to Hinata. They were supposed to have a decent conversation where Kageyama would somehow tell Hinata what was going on (minus the feelings part) and they would make up and be friends again.

How could he have lost control like that? It was the very thing he had vowed not to do. 

Kageyama clenched his teeth and winced as he felt a headache coming on. It was all his fault he and Hinata were in this mess to begin with. The tournament was only a few weeks away and now the whole team would be even more burdened because of him.

If he had just been brave enough to tell Hinata everything, would none of this have happened? Would life have gone on as usual? Or would his teammates have abandoned him like in middle school?

Kageyama took a deep breath before walking into the school gym. He was barely able to take a few steps towards the team before his vision blurred. He could hear someone shout his name, the sound drowned out by the ringing in his ears, before he felt the pull of gravity drag him down towards the ground.

_‘Ah,’_ he thought as he fell, _‘is this karma for causing so much trouble?’_

* * *

“ _Exhaustion_?” 

Kageyama watched from his bed as his sister paced back and forth in front of him. He waited until it was clear she had nothing more to say before speaking. “Relax,” he replied. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” 

She turned towards him, eyes filled with anger, and crossed her arms. “ _Relax_? Do you know how freaked out I was when the house got a call from your school nurse and I opened the front door an hour later to see you being practically carried by your friends? I thought you had injured your stupid self!”

Kageyama kept quiet, not knowing what to say. 

His sister continued. “What’s this all about, anyways? I knew you hadn’t been sleeping, but for it to have gotten bad enough for you to faint?”

Kageyama looked down and gripped his blankets tightly. “Stuff just happened, okay? I couldn’t sleep because of it.”

The door opened then, and he watched as his mother walked into his room. 

She crossed her arms, her facial expression becoming an exact replica of her daughter’s. “Then I hope more ‘stuff’ doesn’t happen at school tomorrow because I’m not allowing you to go to school. You will stay at home and sleep.”

“What? I have volleyball practice tomorrow!”

“You have volleyball practice practically everyday. I’m sure they’ll survive without you for one day.”

“The tournament’s only a few months away!”

“Then I suggest you sleep right now because if I receive another call from school telling me you fainted, I’m strapping you to this bed for the next month.” 

Kageyama opened his mouth to argue further, but the look his mother immediately shot at him told him it was pointless to do so. Once she made up her mind, no matter what anyone did or said, it was impossible to change it. He would know because after all, he had inherited her stubbornness.

Kageyama sighed defeatedly and his sister and mother took the action as a sign that they had won the argument. They left him in his room alone to ponder his thoughts.

He put his arm over his eyes and gradually, images from the past few practices flooded his mind. He was reminded of the tense atmosphere he had created for the team and how the team had begun an unspoken ritual of watching over him and Hinata. He watched as images of his team were replaced by his middle school team, walking and leaving him behind on the court.

Kageyama groaned. What was he going to do? Fate had given him a chance to talk to Hinata and he had blown it. He wished he could jump into a time machine and go back to the night he had kissed Hinata. If he could just go back, if he could just have a second chance, he’d make it right. He’d talk to the boy and set things straight.

Still, there was doubt in his mind, a tiny spark of disbelief that told him that even if he told Hinata everything, nothing would be fixed. Hinata would still hate him, and his teammates would slowly drift away from him until there was no one left for him to set to.

* * *

“Tobio, you have a visitor!”

His mother’s voice rang from downstairs and Kageyama sat up from his bed where he was setting his volleyball to glance at the clock on his desk. It was currently six in the evening and he couldn’t believe he had spent the entire school day either sleeping or setting the volleyball in his room. 

He put the volleyball down on the ground and frowned. Who would visit him at this hour? It didn’t take very long for Kageyama to rule out the many possibilities. He wasn’t close to anyone in his classes, and he doubted his teammates would visit him this late after practice. He didn’t have many friends, and for the one friend he was closest with, well, Kageyama wasn’t expecting any visits from Hinata anytime soon. 

He waited in anticipation as the person going up the stairs came closer towards his room, their footsteps growing louder with each step. He stared towards the empty doorway, waiting for the person to appear. 

A minute later, even when the footsteps had stopped, no one had appeared in his doorway.

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. He had certainly heard footsteps coming towards him, footsteps that had stopped right when the person was in close proximity to him. _‘Was the person_ still _searching for his room?’_ He began to stand up from his bed to check the hallway when he heard shuffling from outside. Bright orange hair appeared in his doorway seconds later, Hinata himself holding what appeared to be notebooks.

Kageyama stared at him in disbelief. A million questions raced through his mind. Why was Hinata here, at his house? Were his eyes playing tricks on him? What was going on?

After a long period of awkward silence, Kageyama finally spoke. “Wh-What are you-?”

“Your classmates didn’t know where you lived,” Hinata interjected, “so they went to me after school and, um, gave me your notes and homework from today. Here.” He held out the notebook he had been carrying and Kageyama nervously walked across the room to take it from him. 

“Thanks.” He couldn’t meet Hinata’s eyes for some reason. 

“Yeah,” Hinata replied. “No problem.”

Awkward silence once again engulfed them, Kageyama looking anywhere but Hinata. 

Kageyama rifled through the notebook in an effort to stall time. The silence was unbearable to him. He knew he had to say something, anything, but he felt like there was some sort of pressure in his throat blocking him from making any kind of noise. This was the second chance he had been praying for. Fate was giving him another chance to talk to Hinata. 

So why couldn’t he speak?

Hinata put a hand behind his head. “Well, I finished what I came here to do, so, uh, bye.”

Kageyama watched as Hinata turned around and began to walk away.

_‘You’re going to lose your chance to talk to him. Speak. Just say something, anything. Don’t let him walk away.’_

“Wait!” He shouted, reaching out his hand towards the other boy. He watched as Hinata neared the staircase and stopped, turning back around slowly. 

“What? I only came here to give you the homework and stuff.”

“I, uh,” Kageyama stammered. Damn, he hadn’t thought this far ahead. “I feel bad about making you waste your time coming over here and going back home, especially since your house is kinda far.” 

“It’s fine.” Hinata shrugged. “You did say you cared about the tests. I figured you wouldn’t want to miss out on the class notes and everything.”

“Yeah, I did say that.” Kageyama looked down. “But it’s still a pretty far distance, even for your bike. Do you,” he gulped, “want something to eat before leaving?”

Hinata narrowed his eyes. “You’re acting suspicious. I thought you didn’t want me around?”

“No, that was, that was just to-,” he sighed. Why was talking so hard to do? He looked down towards the ground. “I’m sorry.”

Hinata was still staring at him. “Are you saying sorry for ignoring me, running away from me, or,” he stopped and exhaled, the rest of his words now coming out slower, “randomly kissing me out of nowhere?”

Kageyama winced at the last option. “All of it.” It was then that he realized they were still in the hallway of his house talking to each other. “Can we go back to my room and talk? I swear I’ll explain everything this time. No kissing involved, like, at all.”

He swore an hour had passed before Hinata finally sighed and agreed. As the spiker slowly walked back towards Kageyama’s room, Kageyama rushed downstairs to grab tea and whatever snacks he could find for Hinata.

Minutes later, the two were sitting on the floor of Kageyama’s room, uneaten snacks laying in front of them.

“So?” Hinata asked, eyebrow raised. “Out with it. Why’d you randomly start ignoring me?”

Kageyama drank from his water bottle in an effort to stall time and gather his thoughts. This was his chance to tell Hinata the truth, the first step to making things right again. If he did things properly, he and Hinata would be friends again, and even if it wasn’t exactly what Kageyama wanted, he was fine with it since he and Hinata would be close again.

He exhaled. “I wanted to kind of distance myself from you, I guess.”

“Well, you definitely made that part clear. Why did you want to, though?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I do know, but-” He began to fidget with his fingers. “-I don’t know how to explain it.”

Hinata stared at him, eyes softening. “We’ve been friends since the start of the school year. Trust me. I’ll understand, or at least try to understand, what’s going on.”

But how was he supposed to explain things to Hinata without telling him everything? How was he supposed to tell him that he had avoided him partly because he hadn’t wanted to burden him or the team, and mainly because of how scared he was of getting closer with Hinata? Hinata was kind, happy, and always smiling. He wasn’t the type who would be weighed down by doubts and insecurities. He wouldn’t be able to understand Kageyama’s problems. 

Kageyama slowly looked back up from his fingers and was surprised to see Hinata watching him and not speaking a word. He had never seen Hinata like this. It dawned on him then that Hinata was serious about this. Maybe his situation wasn’t one the spiker could relate to, but Hinata had said he would try to understand it. 

And the look in Hinata’s eyes told him that no matter what, the orange-haired boy would be on his side.

“I was scared of what would happen if we got closer to each other, I guess.” The words hadn’t been phrased the exact way he wanted, but this was a start.

There was a short pause where Kageyama worried he had said the wrong thing before Hinata finally spoke. “Is it because of what happened in middle school?”

Kageyama nodded. That was definitely part of the reason why. There was no way he was going to tell Hinata the other reason why he didn’t want to get closer with him. “It’s stupid, I know. You guys are different from my middle school teammates, and I’m a different person than who I was back then, but sometimes I’ll set the ball or, I don’t know, something happens and I just get flashbacks to the time when they all abandoned me on the court.”

“Hey, hey, it is _not_ stupid,” Hinata reassured him. “It’s normal to feel insecure about things. I mean, sometimes I feel insecure about my skills in volleyball whenever I watch our team play ‘cause everyone’s really good, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Hey.” Hinata leaned towards Kageyama and held his face with both of his hands, causing Kageyama to look up at him. “I know we argue a lot and I _know_ it doesn’t really need to be said, but I’m saying it anyways. We’re a team and we are _not_ going to abandon you, so if you’re ever having problems, talk to us and I promise we’ll try to help you, okay? We would never hate you.”

Kageyama could feel his face flushing red at the sudden closeness with Hinata. He didn’t really mind this time, though, because he was too busy absorbing Hinata’s words. It was funny. Hinata had pretty much said the same thing he had said moments before, but the impact was completely different. While his own words had been full of doubt, Hinata’s words were full of belief and hope. They were warm and although they didn’t blow away all of Kageyama’s insecurities, they reassured him.

“Yeah,” Kageyama said. “Thanks. I needed that.”

Hinata smiled. “Anytime.”

Figuring the conversation was over, Kageyama reached for his waterbottle and had just uncapped it when he heard Hinata speak once again. 

“There’s just one thing I don’t get.” 

“Mm?” Kageyama lifted the waterbottle to his lips and began to drink.

“Why did you-” Hinata inhaled and exhaled slowly. “-kiss me?”

Kageyama’s eyes widened and he began to choke on the water. Coughing, he reached over towards his desk to grab a tissue to wipe the mess up. He could feel Hinata’s eyes on him, watching him as he cleaned the water off of the floor.

What was he supposed to say? _‘Oh yeah, I kissed you because I’ve loved you for a while now’_ ? _‘The main reason I avoided you was really because I was scared of how strong my feelings for you were’_? It was impossible. There was no way he could make up a believable excuse. He was, he was afraid, afraid of-

But what exactly was he afraid of? That Hinata would hate him? That he would abandon him? Kageyama knew Hinata would never do anything of the sort. Sure, the boy was dumb, horrible at recieves, and maybe got under Kageyama’s skin sometimes, but he wasn’t the type to hate his friends. After all, the orange-haired boy had just told Kageyama that he would never hate him, hadn’t he?

So maybe it was easier for Kageyama to come up with another lie. Maybe it was easier for him to avoid the topic altogether. 

Or, he could tell the truth and relish in the fact that no matter what he said, even if Hinata didn’t feel the same way about him, they would still be friends.

“I love you.”

When the words finally came tumbling out of his mouth, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

He watched as Hinata blinked and was at a loss for words. 

“O-Oh,” Hinata finally said after what felt like an eternity.

“Yeah. Sorry, I mean, I know you don’t think of me that way, but it felt like this was a good moment to kind of tell you, I guess.” He looked away from Hinata. “You don’t have to give me an answer, anyways. I know this was super sudden and everything, so-”

“No! It’s not sudden! I-I mean it kind of is, but it’s also, um-” Hinata pulled his sweatshirt over the bottom of his face, looking more timid than Kageyama had ever seen him. “-I, I might...like you too?”

Kageyama certainly hadn’t been expecting this reply. “What?”

“I-I mean, I don’t know,” Hinata replied. “When you started ignoring me, I felt really sad, you know? And then I felt angry that we couldn’t hang out anymore because you started acting weird and I asked myself why I was feeling this way, and-” He peeked out shyly out of the opening of his sweatshirt. “-I guess it was because I like you too.”

Now it was Kageyama’s turn to sit in surprise.

Hinata continued to ramble. “But when you kissed me I got really confused because I thought maybe you had realized my feelings somehow, but then you dropped me onto the ground and ran away and I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept my distance from you after that.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about the kiss,” Kageyama eventually replied. “I lost control and just went for it without thinking like a dumbass.”

“It’s ok, but you should probably apologize about something else as well.”

Kageyama looked up. “What is it?”

“Your kissing skills.” Hinata stuck his tongue out. “You totally suck.”

Kageyama felt heat rise to his cheeks. “That one doesn’t count!”

“So are you saying we should have a do-over?”

“Wha-”

Kageyama could only watch in surprise as Hinata leant forward and accidentally bumped their noses together. Hinata laughed and put both of his hands on Kageyama’s cheeks, pulling him in, and connected their mouths.

The kiss was nothing like the one from the other night. This one was sweet, soft, and delicate, and Kageyama could feel Hinata smiling against his lips. 

It was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this story! Kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
> Find and chat with me on my new [writeblr](https://writer-kris.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!


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